Have you ever had anyone in your life that picks you up then twist your world inside out and toss it upside down? Have you ever experienced another person who rule the way you move with an magnetic pull similar to kryptonite? Have you ever breathed another persons air, while dancing to the beat of the drummers heart? There was one person who continuously affected me this way. At the time, I thought her poop didn’t stink. I can recall a time where I memorized every quarter inch of her landscape and would slowly lick every nook and cranny leading to her tattoos across her entire precious body just to see and feel her body tremble from excitement. When she asked me, “what’s wrong?” I didn’t dignify it with an answer; giving her something to ponder. After all the pain I felt and experienced I didn’t know if I were coming or going or what I was thinking. I thought this was only a mere chapter in my life. It didn’t dawn on me it would be the entire book.
Entry Date: August 14th 2017
Time Stamp: 12:00am
The engine’s running
Tinted windows, and the back seat is heated
She never told me what she needed
I only gave to her all she’d ever wanted
In return, she was good at keeping secrets
Now, I can’t touch her body
Now, I don’t trust nobody
Because someone else is stroking her sexy body
While I’m hard at work
She’s plotting to quench her thirst with a late night creep
She didn’t stop to think what it would do to me
She doesn’t know that I know
But you know and her girlfriend knows
About the fool who’s paying the bills as Jack and Jill stumble then tumble down a muddy, bumpy hill
Entry Date: August 17th 2017
Time Stamp: 4:00am
Last night when I entered the house I felt this eerie feeling of something just wasn’t right. I anticipated the worst. At first, I couldn’t put my finger on it. My freckled face, cream cheese on a lightly toasted cinnamon raisin bagel with lox was there but her mind and body seemed to be preoccupied with something else. Lately, her cellphone had been staying on blast. In my heart, it says, “This can’t be true” but in my mind, it elevated in the air. I can smell it. There was this lingering scent informing me of someone else has gotten next to my girl. When I entered the bedroom the room had given off a different light. It’s a bit dimmer from when I last remembered. The Bed, Bath & Beyond Satan sheets felt different. I can’t be losing my mind but I find it difficult to shake off this awful, overwhelming feeling I’m receiving. I knew something wasn’t right when she closed her eyes real tight while we was making love. That’s when I heard her call out his name in the most exquisite and peculiar way.
Entry Date: August 26th 2017
Time Stamp: 1:00pm
The bee sting… It was the way she called out his name. For a moment I wanted to be, him. Could it be… A man can live and wait an entire lifetime and never experience his name called upon in the way she had cried out, for him. I just purchased her a new hand bag and matching scarf. All along she has been disobeying my trust and brought shame into our house. If i were to make an educated guess I’d suspect someone else is sleeping in my bed, after dark. It’s also possible that same person has gotten into my woman’s precious little head and carved a place into her mental history. I never wanted to be the last to know. Less than 24 hours the new security system was installed; hidden cameras, private eyes capture my suspicion. A stranger out and about, a new spirit has arise. Another man is definitely sleeping in my bed. It has been confirmed. A new spirit resides inside her with our child in the next room. Now, I’m not one to be played the fool and I think it’s best to confront the issue and talk it out before I lose my mother freakin’ cool. Although and despite the truth it’s written all over her face maybe it’s foolish thinking I can salvage our love and replace this discovered disgrace.
Entry Date: August 29th 2017
Time Stamp: 5:00pm
I can hear the proverbial clock ticking over my head as the thorny games begin. This is too close for comfort and too close to home. This is messing with my head. Someone’s definitely sleeping in my bed. I can’t truly believe this is really happening to me. Where do I go from here? What happens next after friends and family find out. Dear lord, give me the strength to understand and to see all that I’ve been missing. I mean, what can I do to make things better?
Entry Date: August 30th 2017
Time Stamp: 3:00am
That little voice inside with a soft tone asked me if I listened to her? I replied, “Yes, I mean, I think so. What do you mean? I listen to her every day.” A softer voice replied, “But did you hear her, son?” I quickly replied, “So I’m to blame? Was it me who accidentally opened her legs and allowed someone else into our house? What is there to hear when I provide everything she need?” Then it struck me. Did I stifle my sweet? Did I keep a child instead of nurturing a woman? I still couldn’t get pass the blatant violation and home invasion.
Entry Date: August 30th 2017
Time Stamp: 6:00am
She doesn’t wear those sexy outfits around the house anymore. Was that a sign? Mama’s baby, Papa’s maybe. Could this be more than a symbol? I wonder if our child is mine. Sirens can be heard in the near and far distance. Red lights flashing. This is more than just a signal. I secretly cry late at night while I’m in the shower. Flashes of when I first saw her at the fashion show. Is this a sign? Another flash, the second time was at the fitness center. Later that day we had gone to lunch. My heart feels like it’s been turned inside out. Can this be a symbol before me?
Entry Date: August 30th 2017
Time Stamp: 12:00pm
The head compression print left upon the pillow doesn’t belong to me and it damn sure doesn’t belong to her. How bold and how low can a another man be to enter this house? Full of disrespect on both sides. They both can keep the dog because she didn’t protect our best interest. Who needs the constant reminder of a past gone south? I gave this woman the world; I cooked for her, I did her laundry, gave her money and every little thing she needed and yet it’s seems to be not enough.
Entry Date: August 30th 2017
Time Stamp: 4:00pm
Is it irrelevant to dwell on the past? I’ve become a slow drink and a slow dance with one foot forward and two steps back. The man with a jaded, guarded heart. I hold myself accountable for all that went wrong. I didn’t pay attention to the rhyme to her song. What will it take to win her back. Wait. Do I want her back? Can I ever trust her again. Will I be able to trust someone else? Have we grown together or have we grown apart? It seems the latter is more obvious. I believe I’ve grown to be her everything. Perhaps, I should’ve held her in my arms each and every night as if I was going to lose her. There was a time she would make my entire body sing a chorus just from a simple touch. I remember sitting on the sand while at the beach, observing her and the waves from a distance as she watched the sunset. Baby girl was dressed in her favorite flower sundress. The memory of her and that magnificent sight of a moment was priceless that night. It would be worth living all over, once again.
Today, I don’t think about her that much. There’s a finite amount of love in my heart for her. The knife wound next to the scar on my back is still fresh enough to wince at the thought. The sadness in my eyes won’t allow a change of heart. No one will ever get that close to me ever again. So let’s make a toast and pay homage to the fool who finally woke up. She has two weeks to find herself another place to sleep.
A Diary of A Single Man: In My Bed
Entry Date: August 31st 2017
Time Stamp: 2:00am
Introducing with flavorful fashion the incredible, paralyzing, penchant and magnificent structure of all of human creation. Gods gift 🎁 to the world 🌎. The chosen one often missed, taken for granted and typically overlooked. The mother of all man and his kind. She’s the root of every human tree 🌲 of life. She is our collective beginning. She’s key to our salvation. She’s responsible for the shape and the recreation of the world because it is she who gives birth to a people and it is she who is there to raise, a nation. Her body can house a child, create and produce milk and recycle blood. No man can be first before she is present. Without her presence, I am nothing without my root and I realize when you separate the tree from the root, the tree dies. She is nature she is God herself realized. Therefore, I am…
From this particular critical viewpoint it’s not entirely difficult to see why I’m enamored of her. It is because of her all things are possible.